那时天气那时心境 三十(小说连载)(2/2)

邵强也看着她的眼睛说:“要答你的问题,我先得问你一个问题:你说denys爱karen吗?”

林心竭力把那些断断续续的记忆碎片拼连起来,好一会儿才说:“我觉得他不爱她。如果爱,为什么不和她结婚?为什么要过那种漂泊不定的日子?”

邵强摇摇头,嘴角挂了一丝笑说:“错。他爱她,但是他更爱另一样东西。”

“什么?”

“自由。”

“换句话说,就是不负责任?!”

林心说得那么快,邵强也吃了一惊。他的声音低下去说:“我从小就知道没有自由对一个男人意味着什么。是从我父亲身上懂得的。”

交往这些日子,邵强很少和林心说家里的事。她只知道他父亲是个技术员,母亲是司药。有个姐姐,很疼他。她看着他,等着他继续说。

邵强慢慢又开了口:“我父亲中学就是有名的通才,名副其实的德智体全面发展,还会拉小提琴。也写诗。他崇拜的诗人是郭沫若。最喜欢他的《凤凰涅磐》69年下乡,吃了很多苦77年通过我妈家的关系返城,同一年两?a href='/qitaleibie/situ/' target='_blank'>司徒崃嘶椤d悄晡腋盖撞?4岁。”

邵强的眼睛盯着面前的茶杯,平静地说下去,林心静静地听。无论如何,这一次这个男人总算向她打开了心上的那扇门。

“我父亲后来考上大学。我妈和她家都反对。”

说到这里他抬起头,看着林心惊讶的表情,苦笑着说:“奇怪吧。我妈是担心父亲上了大学就不要她了。不过后来,我父亲还是去了。但是,我妈也怀了我姐。再后来我父亲毕业,进了化工所做技术员”

他喝了口茶,继续说:“我父亲一直在自学英语,指望将来有一天可以出国进修。我上大一那年,所里有个名额。大家都抢,最后所领导决定考试。我父亲考了第一,所里就决定派他去。我从来没见过父亲那么开心过。结果我妈去所里闹,硬是把父亲出国的事搅黄了。”

“为什么?”林心觉得这妈也太离谱了。

“没有人愿意这么说自己的母亲,可是我妈,是个非常俗气的女人。小时候家里看新闻联播,她从头到尾都在评论女播音员的长相、打扮。我父亲和哪个女人多说了一句话,她都要盘问半天。当初我妈逼着父亲把她也弄进所里当司药,要是为了监视他,不许他和女同事来往。我不明白她为什么那么没有安全感,总担心我父亲不要她。”

林心听了默然。

“我出国前,我爸跟我长谈了一次。他告诫我,一个男人在事业有成之前,千万不要被家庭捆住手脚。有责任心的男人,一旦成家,就要对家庭负责。他们的同事里,就是后来顶替我爸出国的那个叔叔,进修来和原来的老婆离了,找了个三十多岁的。”

林心苦笑说:“都说男人自私,看来这自私也是有不同层次的。”

邵强听了变色:“女人不自私吗?女人一样有手、有脚、有脑子,在现代会,也不是没有机会,为什么总是指望着男人带给她们幸福?!”

林心无言以对。

她还记得自己在二十八岁生日那天许的愿:找个好男人结婚。然后相夫教子,享受甜蜜小家庭。就是在那个时候邵强出现了。在适当的时间,适当的心境下,遇到一个适当的人:外貌、身高、年龄、学历、工作、家庭,逐项打勾,邵强都是满分。她曾经以为那是命中注定。

今晚之后,她不能再面对这个人。甚至一想到他就伤心。他是她的滑铁卢。二十八年来,她就没输得这么惨过。

此后的很长时间,邵强都是她心口的一处痛。

她再也没有见这个人。直到两年后的那个星期一的早晨。

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

明天是终章。

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